Seven Reasons Not To Worry

Yesterday I had to go to our bank to get some documents notarized. I normally drive through bank so I have never had the opportunity to see or experience the inside of a bank.  It was so beautiful and the chairs in the waiting room were very comfortable while I waited.   I was greeted with a friendly smile, not by name, which was more than fine with me.  However, everyone who walked into the bank was greeted by name - it was such a sweet small town feel.  There was a young late 20 something employee who looked in charge he floating around to all  5 customers who filed into the bank around noon.  Because the bank was small and I had nothing to do but sit, I could not but help overhear this older man.  While he was standing at the teller window he was greeted by this young banker who asked in an uplifting tone, "So how's it going Mr. ______?"  Mr.  ________ replied, "Not so great I just lost all my retirement.  Now planning to work for the rest of my life."  Sad, sad, sad! I also felt so bad for this banker who kept saying, "I am sorry."  What else could he have said?

America is in trouble and it is difficult and uncertain and people are in the fight for their financial lives.  I am so sad and every day I ask Skip, what do we need to do?  We have gone over and over our budget the last two months trying to see where we can "cut back".  The company Skip works for just announced they were going to fire 650 employees.  We are so blessed that we are not one of the 650, however, about 300 are going to be from our community and most likely friends.  We live in a town that is not unique to the rest of the US -  houses are not selling and the big companies have freeze on hiring.   With all of this it is very easy for me to get caught up in what I can see.

Anyway, this morning I opened my Bible to Matthew 6  and read : 

Seven Reasons To Not Worry

The same God who created life in you can be trusted with the details of your life. (Matt 6:25)

Worrying about the future hampers your efforts for today. (Matt 6:26)

Worrying is more harmful than helpful. (Matt 6:27)

God does not ignore those who depend on him. (Matt 6:28-30)

Worry shows a lack of faith in and understanding of God. (Matt 6:33)

There are real challenges God wants us to pursue, and worrying keeps us from them. (Matt 6:33)

Living one day at a time keeps us from being consumed with worry. (Matt 6:34)

He has it under control.

Crazy About Horses!

She would live in a barn if we would let her!  Olivia asks, "Mama, do you think I could horse jump in the Olympics one  day?"

"I believe in you and your dreams."

Love!!

Lots of Passion and Little Mercy

In February my sweet sweet husband was able to go on a GRAND trip out to Colorado to attend John Eldridge's "Boot Camp".  Skip has never taken a luxury trip our entire marriage!  I was so excited for him to go and I just knew he would come back closer than ever to God.  Well, the trip exceed our expectations and  Skip had a wonderful time with God and his friends.  It was so great that he came home and announced that he wanted to know my passion in life so he could help accomplish it!  Wow!  he wants to rescue his bride!!  Skip has the kindest heart I have ever seen in anyone.

I was a little surprised by his enthusiasm for something so crazy, after all I had everything I could want, except for curtains in my bedroom and a Eletrolux Bread Mixer - all in due time.  I even thought he may be a little disappointed in these two passions so I thought about something much bigger like a Saturday car or even better a big diamond ring. Wouldn't that be nice?   Diamonds are beautiful crusted in Desitin -  my not by choice hand lotion.  Anyway, I did tell him I would commit to prayer and really go after my true passion in life.

Well, a couple of weeks went by and all of a sudden my passion hit me with a ton of bricks!  It was none of the above mentioned and I was on fire!  I thought it would be a great idea to announce it on a date at one of our towns 5 star chain restaurants.  We sat down in a booth and I was giddy, excited, thinking I looked really cute.  I could not wait to tell him my new discovery, hidden deep in my heart that God so graciously revealed to me at the request of him, my precious precious husband. 

"Well Skip, I am so excited and I am so glad you went to Wild at Heart.  I have prayed and prayed and I feel alive and happy and oh I cannot wait for you to hear this! I just want you to know that my true true passion in life is to adopt a Special Needs baby - and I really hope it is from China."  Skip was not gazing at me from across the table like I was cute.  His eyes were wider, head tilted slightly, he wasn't smiling, he looked a bit confused and there was a long pause.  SO I continued this time saying, "Isn't God amazing and so good.   I cannot wait for this new journey he is about to take us on - can you believe it?  Skip aren't you fired up by the idea of being parents to 6 children!  We are going to be SOOO blessed with another baby!!!!"  Yall, he never joined the excitement!!  He sat there so confused and said, "What?  What are you talking about?"  I reminded him of the whole speech about me finding my passion.  His response, "No, that is not what I meant, you will have to pick another passion, I was thinking about something fun like moving to Colorado.  I mean umm I am just going to have to think about that one."

Skip has probably told me no three times throughout our 12 years together - usually he will at least say, "let's talk about it."  No such words came out of  his mouth this time.  

"Oh my" was my next response.   I sat at the table and cried and cried and cried  - He was ruining the first entry in our new baby's book!  This is not how I had the night played out in my mind.  I just knew it was going to be this beautiful story about how I told Skip and he gazed at me from across the table and said that is exactly what he had always wanted too . . .  Every adoption blog I had read was much sweeter than this night was going.

I was so mad! How dare he ask me to find my passion and then say NO pick another one!  As the tears came and he began to explain, "I just want one year of nothing, no babies, tornado, moves, job changes, cranial helmets, ADD testing . . . I really do not know if I want any more children.  Did you say special needs?"  Ill have to say, I just do not think that is where I am."  I really do not remember what I said after that but I promise you it was not kind.

Our poor poor waiter!  I was crying big tears, mascara and all!  It is only now that I can look back and also feel so sad for not giving Skip any mercy.  It was all huge shock, after all, it took me a long time to settle into the whole idea.

Well, since that time the journey has been difficult and very sweet.  Anytime Skip and I are not united on an issue it is HARD!!  At first we went through months of being on our faces before God - really seeking what he wanted. (extremely difficult for my selfish heart)   At one point we went to church 3 time in a row and heard something about orphans, adoption, China or "His Story" for our lives.  It got to the point it became very comical.  God slowly changed Skip's heart and in the process has revealed some not so beautiful things in my heart.  I always hear, "enjoy the journey."  I must say I do not always enjoy the journey when I am DEEP in it.  The journey is the most beautiful to me when I am close to the peak or at least where my head is above water.   I will say that I love what God is able to accomplish during a journey - when I can set aside my pride and surrender control - when I am not picking crumbs up from under the table - thank you for your wisdom and great insight Heidi!

So where are we with the adoption?  We had a great plan, mapped it out with timelines and recently discovered that our journey to adopt has much more to do with our relationship with Him than it does with the great blessing at the end, the child.  So we have thrown out our plan and are seeking His. Let me just say that after we reach that peak and we are headed down the mountain and almost at the end about to meet that precious baby - oh the tears and joy and I will be running!   My heart is so excited I can hardly stand it!

Forest

Please pray for a precious 2yr old orphan in China.  He is failing to thrive.  He has been recently blessed with a foster family.    Previously he lived in an orphanage and was sent to New Day because he needed medical attention - I believe that was the great and mighty hand of God!  They are going to explore why Forest is having a difficult time gaining weight.  He has been on an adoption agency's waiting list for a while and recently his file was removed and sent back to the CCAA.  I know God has a plan for his life.  Please join me in believe BIG for Forest - that his body and heart would be healed and his forever family would come.

Watch Out Vegas, Here We Come!

Quite a day!  The morning started with me deciding to keep Grace home in an attempt to try and Home School three!  God is so huge because the day was so much fun and everyone loved the sweet little addition.

It is September 11th!  What a deeply painful day for our country! and for our friends who lost their sister when the Twin Towers collapsed.  

We just got news that 650 people will be FIRED from my husband's company and 250 will be from our area.  That news also hit me so deep in the heart but I will stand on faith believing God is in control.  Then we got Annabel's educational report from her PhD! - Ughhhhhhhhhh!  We are outside the box - or at least we were that day of testing.

I sent out a small SOS to my friends to get to Panera for dinner, but instead I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Pizza B's for Grace's School Fundraising Night!  My family has a formula for Pizza B's night: inhale 2 pieces of pizza, fuss to go to the arcade, bathroom trip, settle on 2 pieces of dessert pizza and then they are off!  Racing for the arcade which is a small room with about 10 video/ticket giving machines.  The children usually each have $1.00 worth of tokens in hand.  The allotted tokens last maybe 10 minutes on a slow night and then come the tears and drama if they are not able to hit the jackpot (tickets)!  They really really want to get that small, plastic frog , dum dum sucker or eraser smaller than an penny - each worth about 20 tickets!  Every time we go to Pizza B's this is what usually plays out, unless they are on arcade restriction!  This is there favorite place in town to eat!! I do not get it.  If there was a store I shopped in and every time I left it I cried - I would hope I would not go back!  In fact, I do recall a store that accused me of shoplifting at 8 months pregnant!  They  were convinced I had stuffed the shame in the twin comforter set! It took a while for the MANAGER to understand what the fine print meant when it said SHAM INCLUDED!

Anyway, tonight was special.  Annabel brought a penny from home "just in case".  She pulled it out and encouraged the 3 other crying non-strapped in the high chair children to join her in the arcade.  "Come on y'all we'll go have some fun."  Skip and I were enjoying ourselves at the opening of the arcade (we could see the children in the small empty room).  The next thing we know -JACKPOT!  Olivia comes running out stumbling over her words to tell us Annabel figured out a way to play one of the ticket giving games with the same penny.  Using the same penny over and over!  Mind you the only other person in the arcade is an employee about 16 years old, playing games dumping tokens into the machines.  My response to Olivia is SURELY you are kidding and somewhat hesitant we got up from our plate stacked table for seven, unbuckled Amelia from her sticky highchair and entered "the room".  Skip and I were not shocked.  Annabel is totality capable of doing something like this!  The two of us together in a month with nothing else to do could  not have figured out the trigger Annabel discovered.  Skip couldn't because you shouldn't it's against the law and me?  It would have never crossed my mind to just try a penny.   Perhaps this should have been a teachable moment when we discussed stealing, cheating etc . . .  That will come later (after Vegas), however, for the moment, after reading such a discouraging report from our PhD I delighted in God's creation, Annabel.  She is fearfully and wonderfully made OUTSIDE THE BOX! She has a great mind that is HIGHLY capable and I praise him for every inch of her!

Her whole motivation was she had a plan  to get more tickets so she could trade them in for her little sister who really wanted a small plastic choking hazard  for Amelia dog and a tootsie roll for her brother.  I love her for exactly who she is!

God is amazingly creative!

Happy 1st Birthday Faith

Faith turned ONE on August 27!  This little girl has stolen our hearts - especially mine.  Faith is a baby at New Day Foster Home which is  a private orphanage in Beijing China. New Day takes in special needs children from the country run Chinese orphanages.  Through contributions and other avenues they are able to offer these precious children surgery and a lot of care.   I love New Day and one day when I retire that is where I want to work.

The Decision to Sponsor Faith

I could not decide who to choose so I sat at my computer with tears flooding my face.  I wanted to sponsor ALL OF THEM - and of course charter a jet and pick them ALL up!  NOT because I have what it takes to be a mother 50 children but because I love children.   Anyway, I kept clicking on a picture of another sweet little girl.  When I would click this little girl's picture  Faith's picture kept coming up instead.  I really did not care who we sponsored, I was just concentrating on my lack of computer skills and confusion.  I did it at least three times until I finally realized Faith would be the baby for us!  Sorry God, I am a little slow to hear and SEE!  Anyway, New Day allows us to send care packages and letters -  YEAH!  AND every month we get an update on how well she is doing.

We are always praying for Faith's forever family and that she would know Jesus.  What a delight it has been!

On Faith's birthday I had no doubt her Foster Mother and New Day would celebrate -   I told the children we would also have a birthday party.  The day of the party I realized I should have explained the details of the party.  Grace was very disappointed when I explained that we were not actually going to China to her actual party.  In order to distract the drama of a 5 year old I announced  we would have cake for dinner!  The children were shocked! In my nine years of motherhood I have never suggested something as wild as that!   We loudly sang Happy Birthday, (perhaps she heard it in China) blew out the candle and then had cake for dinner!  It was so much fun.  That night was a Great Sugar High on an empty stomach.  

Sadness Sometimes Looms

I know we will not be able to adopt Faith but I would love to have her as my daughter.  I think the children and Skip feel the same way.  It is one of those prayers that is difficult to pray because of the selfishness behind the desire.  I do know that His plan for her life is much better than mine.    I do pray that someday I can hug this precious little girl.

The greatest thing is that at only one year old Faith in her beautiful yellow dress knows what every little girl should know and that is  she was born a princess.  You can see it in her face wearing her beautiful birthday dress.

Homeschooling Days

Today was a normal "school day".  Quick carpool in the morning, stop by the grocery store and then the older two hit the books at home.  I love teaching the girls.  They love learning.  Today our science lesson opened the door to the wonderful world of the microscope!  We pulled out ,the incredible microscope I bought at a garage sale for $15.00.  We labeled the scope and had a quick lesson about taking good care of it.  We then all took turns looking at a torn leaf under the scope - quite fascinating!  I had a very difficult time taking turns.  The girls loved it!

Then it was off to India after of course we reviewed the map of Asia!  I am amazed at how much I am learning - I have no idea where I was when geography was taught.

Last night I got together with a group of home schooling women.  My heart broke as I heard a friend talk about how she has to go back to work and put her children in school because of financial difficulties.  God has really blessed her difficult place and opened a job that is PERFECT for her at a private school - where her children are able to attend.  She has entered back into the work force with such grace even though her heart really wants to be at home teaching her children.  Listening to her story made me so thankful to have this time with my girls.

March 1, 2007

Even though I walk throught the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.  Psalm 23:4

Storms

Yesterday at 12:00 p.m. I was reminded of a significant storm in our lives almost 1.5 years ago.  Every Saturday the bad weather warning sirens are tested across our city.  Whew, not a Saturday goes by that my heart doesn't  jump and I have to ask myself, are we in danger? or is it Saturday?  Yesterday my mind was bit challenged because I had been sick in bed for 24 hours from Friday 7:15 am until Saturday 8:00 am.  In my mind I thought it was Friday and the weather was stormy because of  tropical storm Fay.  I did have a moment of oh my gosh "let's go to the safe room" panic.

  

I do praise God for his continual healing of our hearts and minds.  I can see such a difference in the physical way our bodies react to the LOUD alarm on our NOAA weather radio which went off ALL night and the Saturday sirens!  Thank you Jesus for working on our hearts.  He casts down all fears!  He is the great healer and I am so thankful he continues to open my eyes to places he is working.

Today we went to Christ Community and heard an awesome missionary, Shane, talk about how he wanted less of himself so that there could be more God in him.  He wanted more of God's love to be able to flow thorough him for these precious orphaned children.  This man has given his life to orphaned children - all around the world.  I really believe I needed to hear just that this morning.  

My heart had been so heavy on the way to church.  I am ready to finish our adoption paperwork, I am really wanting to travel this fall to China. TODAY!  NOW!   But . . .  I have this wonderful new God given awareness that I am totality capable of opening doors or manipulating situations that can look "Godly" but in fact are all about what I want and when I want it.  This is how I create storms in my life!  I know God has given me a heart for the orphans in China.  I know he is calling us to adopt.  I believe he has a grand plan in place, however, in my flesh I want so badly to run ahead of him and finish the details.   He keeps quieting my heart and telling me to enjoy the journey and to wait on Him.  I am just so excited I can hardly wait!  It is the faith that lies in between here and there that is so difficult.  It is the faith I struggle with.  I do know to keep my eyes on him and although it will not make the yearning easier it will allow me to keep in sight the prize which is not the baby or the mission but Him.     

Shine your light and let the whole world see!

Faith

Today we heard our new youth pastor give his life story.  I am sure it was the condensed version but wow it was packed.  I was so moved by his willingness to have God lead his life.  His previous church was having financial difficulties and he knew this summer he would be out of a job (with a wife and three children to support!)  Anyway, he wanted to make it all about God so he said God I will not go out and pass my resume and look for a job.  You are going to have to open the doors because I am afraid that if I open the doors I will always wonder if the job I took was your will.  So he waited and waited  and finally God opened the door and our pastor called him and asked him if he wanted a job.  They all continued to pray and God kept confirming that he was where God wanted him. 

How awesome life here at the Perkins' home would be if I had the patience and faith to wait on God for all answers big and small!

It was truly encouraging to hear how God has worked in his life.  We are so blessed to have him leading our youth - Thank you God for such a big blessing!

Happy 5th Birthday Sweet Grace

What a precious girl.  Grace celebrated her 5th birthday with a princess tea party!  She was surrounded by 10 princesses that had the energy of 100!  We had a great time and I think turning 5 was everything Grace had hoped for.  She is thrilled to be a big girl now.

In my eyes she will always be my baby.

Happy Birthday Princess!  I love you Mama

Eleven Years Of Huge Blessings

It doesn't take much to wish we could all be back at the beach, where the biggest worry was what time we were going to take 5 children out to dinner or if everyone had been re-"scum screened" (Quinn's version of sunscreen says). 

Yesterday Skip and I realized our anniversary is tomorrow!  This week has been full of big school decisions!  We finally got one of our children's educational profiles back, sensing there was some sort of a reading issue topped off with a little distraction.  Well, we were right and the news was very difficult to take.  We do have a child with mild dyslexia and mild ADD.  She is brilliant, funny, fun, capable, courageous, strong  . . .  the list could go on and on.  My heart is breaking not for her but for the crazy idea I have deep in my heart.  I believe that everything in my children's lives needs to be perfect and I will make it that way if it isn't.  WHERE DID THIS WHOLE PERFECTIONISM THING COME FROM?  I do know who these children belong to!

This girl is one of the bravest people I have ever known.  What she has recovered from in the last year has been such a hurdle - God is amazing.  She was the most visibly effected by the terrible storm that took most of her tiny treasures and for 10 seconds what she thought would be her life.

I am tired thinking about what this year holds for her as far as continuing to run the race that has been set before her.  God led me to the sweetest passage in Psalm 118 -"The stone the builders rejected; I will make the capstone."  She is a beautiful capstone and oh I cannot wait to see God's great plan for her life.  She knows him at a level I struggle to get to.  She knows he will show up mightily.  When she calls on him it is with great expectation and unlike her mother she has the patience to wait upon his awesome answers no matter how long it takes.  It doesn't matter if the outcome doesn't come out how she expects because she doesn't put her own agenda on asking God to answer prayer.  I love being her mother because she continually shows me the faith of a child.  Now, if I can only go back to that precious place.  Perhaps that is why I have 5 children - I have 5 reminders of how my relationship with God should be.

Today we had the awesome opportunity to lunch with Chloe. Chloe is another tremendously brave girl who at five is fighting for her life against cancer.  She is beautiful, happy, carefree and enjoyed every minute of her time at the Castle playground.  She has been a celebrity at our house for a while now - I think the girls were star struck because they would not stop starring at her.  Once the games on the playground began, they realized she was one of them and they were the same and could be friends.  Isn't it so easy to put someone on a pedestal, but I forget, we really are all the same.  Some of us just do a better job of putting on the front that we have it all together.  I wear that mask a lot and then I am reminded of the time my underwear were strung all over the neighborhood and my friends were gathering and washing them only to return them  because I was such a mess I could hardly function.  I really do hate that mask and I am so grateful God has slowly allowed me to accept who he made me to be - there is a lot of freedom in knowing he is delighted in every aspect of me - he knit me to look and act this way.  So all the extra stuff I put on myself is just stuff without a purpose.  

I am so grateful to have a husband to celebrate 11 wonderful years with who I believe sees me through the eyes of Jesus.  What a tremendous blessing and honor it is to receive such unconditional love.  Skip, you are and will continue to be the most wonderful gift a bride could every imagine!  I love you forever!