Pink or Blue?

This is day I delivered Amelia, standing in her BLUE nursery.

Anticipating the arrival of our next child is very exciting. I am one of those people who love surprises and everything leading up to them. We found out the gender of our child the first four times - everything HAD to be just perfect. That was when I was in my prime as a perfectionist. The fifth time I was okay to just let it go, it was a complete surprise. Please do not be mistaken, I did have a boy and girl wardrobe all ready to go just in case. I am not sure if anyone believed we did not know what we were having - the nursery could have been that indication. I tried so hard to do a neutral nursery, but I think deep down inside I thought it was a boy. I had many ultrasounds so if tempted, I could have found out. Although I thought it was a boy, I did not have a preference. I cried tears of joy when they said, "It's a girl!"

Amelia Ashley only minutes old

The truth about me is deep down inside there is a part of me that is quite intimidated by mothering a boy. I grew up an only child somewhat a tomboy, but I have never seen a son mothered. I understand girls and although mine are all so different, on most days I get where they are coming from. The older girls are a lot of emotional work and there are many days I am also emotionally challenged - those are difficult days to say the least. The girls tend to need a lot more praise and validation - am I pretty? did I do a good job? am I special? how am I special? Where as my son is so okay with who he is. His ability to receive love is not based on any condition. He is secure. Quinn needs affection, one on one time and a sword fight here an there, but other than than, he is very content - unless it is nap time.

The reality is I enjoy the challenge and the reflection of myself with the girls and the easy and adventure of my son. God's creation is beautiful!

Boy or girl, I just cannot wait!! I pray for patience.

Happy Memorial Day!

Annabel loves that she is old enough to have oven duty.

Grace is such a careful and tidy cook.

Olivia is a taster.

This is what Amelia's pizza looked like before she took it all apart.

A good cook is a messy cook!

The rain has not let up in the south. We had big plans to spend the entire weekend at the pool, but instead we were able to clean out the children's closets and drawers! It feels wonderful to have things in order and drawers that close! With 5 children this task tends to take a couple of half days and this time I let them in on the fun. We would all tackle each room and closet together - cannot believe I did not think of a group effort before. Even little Amelia was a help at times - if you do not count her pouring liquid Tid@ into the dog's bowl while sitting on the stairs. She was at a very bad angle, which resulted in the liquid missing most of the bowl. Concentrated laundry detergent is very difficult to get up.

Today I could have kept going, but being the sweet mama that I am (LOL) I decided they could help make their own dinner. We did end the day in the kitchen together making pizza and strawberry shortcake.

We are planning on leaving for our annual "spring break" trip to the lake very soon. I think that is how I justified such a chore filled weekend.

Logged In!

We were officially logged-in with the CCAA on May 21st. It was very difficult for us to take this step for many reasons.  One reason was that we can no longer look at other agencies' private lists of waiting children.  Even though we love our agency, we have been looking at children (one in particular) held at another agency.  We will now look at only our agency's private list.  If there is not a good match there, we will have to wait for them to receive their next private list, or they can try to match us from a shared list that comes out about every month.

Our agency is waiting on their "private" list right now and it should arrive any day. Their list will have about 25 children with major and minor special needs. The great thing about this list is we will have plenty of time to have a specialist review the files if there is one we are interested in. The "shared" list is a whole different story. The shared list is a large list of children with anything from minor to serious special needs.  This list is posted just about every month by the CCAA. The problem is that it is basically unannounced.  Once they start posting the names, they begin to trickle out around 6 - 7 PM PST, and this continues until around 2 AM PST. So, assuming our agency coordinator even knows it is happening, she would have to work very late in order to see if there is possibly a file they would want to "lock" for us.  There are many other agencies around the world anxiously awaiting the release of these files every month, so when the list starts trickling out everyone around the world is competing for the same files. It is crazy!!!  To make matters worse, if you lock on the shared list, you have to decide IN 48 HOURS if that is the child you want to adopt.  It is quite a difficult process.   Through both their private list and the shared list, our agency will be looking for our baby.

We are open to a boy or a girl, which to some may sound a bit crazy.   Our arms are wide open to what ever God has for us.  Whether boy or girl, we are praying we will have a face to see soon!  Skip has commented more than once that I am behaving like I am seven months pregnant.  Somedays I feel like I can not wait any longer!  Some weeks are endless without any signs, lots of false labor thinking that today is the day.  I am really hoping it is more like 8.5 months pregnant - there is nothing we can do but wait.

Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

Congratulations Little Graduate!

Quinn's preschool celebrated their graduation last night with a wonderful musical performance and a party!


Quinn's class was celebrated by his younger sister, Amelia. Amelia was so excited to take the stage and very reluctant to leave.
A couple of times we wondered if she was going to tumble off the 10 inch platform. She loved singing and dancing for a room full of people. Wondering where she gets that ?????

Same place she gets this! When I say, "Smile Amelia!"

Patiently waiting for his turn on stage.
I love his little friend's face. It was very difficult for me to not run up there and tuck in his shirt. I wish I had a full view of him because he is also wearing flip flops. We were running late and we could not find his shoes. So the flip flops and untucked shirt go together quite well.

Quinn is such a precious boy. Just about every day begins with him coming into my room while I am having quiet time. He will climb up on the bed and cuddle - so sweet. There are times when he hold my face in is little hands and say, "Mama, I love you." So sweet!

He has such a close relationship with each of his sisters, especially Grace who is only 15 months older. It is such a blessing to see the love between them - small glimpses.

Although he is surrounded by girls, he is all boy (except for some of the dress up). When he comes down stairs in them morning he is either carrying a light saber or some form of a sword. One of his proudest moments was this year when he presented me with a purple light saber for my birthday - had no idea they make purple light sabers!

We are so proud of you buddy! Congratulations on graduating from 3-K!

Terrific Tuesday!

This is a wonderful gift I received this morning from my dear friend Elizabeth. It makes me smile and tear up at the same time. There are six! and they are on a straight path! Thank you my sweet friend.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understand. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

Wacky Wednesday!

Quinn would agree that there are some benefits to having 4 sisters. Quinn was the "winner" (according to him) at his preschool's WW competition. I am not quite sure it was a competition, but his sisters were determined, just in case! Quinn was so proud sporting his one princess shoe and barrette. You cannot tell, but Amelia had her shirt on backwards - Mom did not do as well.

Monthly Update!

I do not know why I have not posted in a month. I think it is because of the major work God is doing on my heart right now - sometimes it is too real.

In the last month I was able to travel to the big city to attend a home schooling conference with one of my dearest friends. We had so much fun and thanks to her sweet husband we had a 5 course meal at one of the best restaurants in the big city. I love getting away. It was so funny how I went to look at curriculum, but ended up really looking at ways to teach my children character. WHAT IS CHARACTER??? I really think God has put it on my heart to build on who he is and what He wants for them, instead of all the academics, which I tend think are so important. I know there is a balance and like most things in my life, eventually I will find that balance even if it is only for one week.

We have asked our oldest daughter, Olivia, if she would like to go back to school - SHE SAID YES! Oh my heart was crushed. (am I not the perfect teacher?????) I knew she wanted to go back and that is why I asked. I also know she will do well at school or at home. Olivia is very black and white, believes in justice, has a huge heart, and does not waiver on who she is in Christ. She is so tiny, but her imagination and goals are huge! She loves school, rules, a lot of friends, class pets (real animals:)) and new challenges. We continue to pray and trust God will lead us to all make the right decision.

We travelled to Utah for my grandmother's funeral. It was beautiful and so sad. My father was the primary care taker for her for years and he is having such a difficult time. She is whole and totality healed now, unfortunately those words do not help grief.

Getting out to Utah was most interesting. We decided to take Quinn (4) and Amelia (2). We thought we would save some money by letting Amelia sit on our laps. We incurred $700 over the amount of buying her a regular seat. When we were boarding the plane, they asked if she was 24 months. I told them she was 2 - that is what the on-line ticketing asked. FYI - the regulations are 24 months - not 2.5 years(29moths)! I do not know about you, but once my children reach 2, I stop counting months! Amelia got a one way ticket there and a one way ticket back!!! Quinn and Amelia spent most of their time with my mother's parents and had a ball! It was wonderful seeing everyone and celebrating my grandmother's life!

The adoption front . . . UHHHH. . . this is the most tender place in my heart. After praying and praying, we have decided to not adopt Kevin. Everything in me wants to go get him, my mother's heart cries for him, but he is not ours. I am trusting that God has such an awesome plan for Kevin and my mother's heart will continue to cry out on his behalf. We have been praying about setting up a grant for his adoption - I do not know if that is my heart or God leading us to help Kevin in this way. I have seen how grants for adoption have helped so many people and I also know that in adoption, God always provides the money. We will continue to pray.

But, we did finally send our dossier to CHINA!!!!! I hope we will be logged in in about a week or so. Faith's orphanage still has not contacted New Day to say she has a family and to my knowledge the family has not contacted ND. I do not know why. I do know that the only direction we have ever received from God concerning this adoption was to pursue Faith and log in with AAI. We have been faithful to what he has called us to do and our hearts are open to any direction He wants to take us, but we have not received any further directions. We wait. I know his plan is GRAND and he that he LOVES Faith and us. I continue to pray for the family that has her file and at the same time I struggle as to why after hearing our story they did not give up her file. Why was the path to Faith one of the clearest journeys I have ever been on with God? I cannot wait to look back on this journey and really understand and oh to see Faith with her forever family will be wonderful!

Off to horseback riding!