Wordless Wednesday

Moving Day

Latin, Greek, and SAT's

A conversation between an 8 year old and a 10 year old.

(Overheard and interrupted by Mom)

Olivia: What is an SAT?   It says Latin and Greek will help my SAT score.  

Annabel: it spells sat . . . you know!  (doncha know anything?) 

Mom: No, Annabel it is S-A-T, it is a test you take to get into college.  

Annabel: "College, that is what you have to do if you want one of those careers." 

I had to leave the room because of my laughter.  My mind then began racing at the statement ONE OF THOSE CAREERS.  I assume, and am in fact quite sure, that my career as a mother did not fit into her equation of college=careers.  This led me to further poorly process (at 4:00 p.m. after a long day of home schooling, mopping floors, dusting, laundry, carpooling . . .) that you can take the SAT 3 times, graduate from college, do some post graduate work, get certified in a couple of professions and then become a mother - which is, as I mentioned before, probably not one of those "careers" in Annabel's eyes.  However, as a mother I am so grateful for ALL the education I have because I spend countless hours putting my knowledge to work, brainstorming and trying figuring out things like:  How can I teach my children to flush the toilet, use toilet paper!, use their own toothbrush ... NOT just any toothbrush, bathing is good, you should use soap when you bathe, if you brush your hair every day it will not be as difficult to brush, when you go outside, shut the door!  The list could go on and on and I assure you if I had my Doctorate in Child Behavior I still would struggle with the same unresolved issues. Motherhood is truly a challenge and I am one of those girls who, as my husband says, delights in a challenge - though he does not always delight in the same challenges I do!  I do LOVE being a mother!!!!!

Wordless Wednesday

Assigned a Social Worker!

Olivia - Yellowstone National Park Summer 2006

Whew!  The last time we were assigned a social worker was not for an adoption.  Yes, our hidden past.  Olivia was 5 months old and she had what I thought was  a horrible case of some kind of pneumonia.  It is important to know that Olivia was our first child and my absolute focus.  I was determined to be the BEST mother in the world - I was a perfectionist.  Anyway, Olivia had a horrible coughing fit and threw up.  I hit panic mode!  It was a Friday night and we called the pediatrician.  He suggested we sit in the bathroom with a hot shower running.  Oh no, that certainly could not be the cure, we needed to see a doctor and we needed to see one now.  Why couldn't he make a home visit?  Against my husbands better wishes we were headed to the ER to see what this baby was suffering from. Our experience at the ER was quite similar to my friend Elizabeth's  experience - 'No Mother' in the ER post.  We were scared! We saw the nurse and she checked Olivia's vital signs: no fever, no signs of a cough, clear lungs and then back to the waiting room.  After two hours in the waiting room I said no more of this!  We are leaving, I cannot believe they would not see a BABY! (so terrible of me! b/c there were some sick people!)  We walked out, it was around 12:00 a.m.  Olivia was fine and I really do not think that we ever had her check that week.  Anyway, two months later we got a letter from our states Child Welfare Services!  The ER reported us for refusing medical treatment for our minor! DFAX as my friends and I call it!  This letter solidified my belief that I was going to fail as a parent and I did not have what it took.  Luckily at the time Skip was working for a very old and established firm in a very small town and he was able to fire off a very impressive letter on their letterhead thus warding off a visit from our assigned social worker.

I am not sure what this visit is going to look like.  Fortunately for the sanity family, I have changed through Christ, however, I still fight the same feelings.  Every time I think about this journey to bring baby 6 home I fight feelings of many different fears , unworthiness, and the desire to be perfect.  Yesterday our adoption social worker contacted us for the first time, she left a message on my cell phone about scheduling our first visit!  When I heard the message my heart was filled with joy and then suddenly it was filled with a sense of panic because I will not be able to pull it all together for the first visit.  And then I had the sudden realization which brings peace some days discouragement others and that is; I will never have it all together and it is okay because He will!   He has it covered! He is constantly reminding me that there is nothing I need to do except for believe.   I delight in knowing He has all of it covered and His interest in my children is much greater than mine and more than I can ever imagine.  I need to go return the call.

Somewhat off the subject I am wrestling with two things: 1) Matthew 18:18 on forgiveness.  Has anyone done a Bible Study or research on this verse?  Any insight or wisdom?  and 2) The secret to making a good moist Pound Cake.

Blessings and Much Love!

Wordless Wednesday

My son, Quinn, one of four girls!

Goo Gone Or Gum Gone

How do you suppose I remove this highly combustible chemical from the dryer?

I must say Vanilla Mint Trident mixed with the heat of the dryer and a load of dark clothes gives off a wonderful scent!

Seven Reasons Not To Worry

Yesterday I had to go to our bank to get some documents notarized. I normally drive through bank so I have never had the opportunity to see or experience the inside of a bank.  It was so beautiful and the chairs in the waiting room were very comfortable while I waited.   I was greeted with a friendly smile, not by name, which was more than fine with me.  However, everyone who walked into the bank was greeted by name - it was such a sweet small town feel.  There was a young late 20 something employee who looked in charge he floating around to all  5 customers who filed into the bank around noon.  Because the bank was small and I had nothing to do but sit, I could not but help overhear this older man.  While he was standing at the teller window he was greeted by this young banker who asked in an uplifting tone, "So how's it going Mr. ______?"  Mr.  ________ replied, "Not so great I just lost all my retirement.  Now planning to work for the rest of my life."  Sad, sad, sad! I also felt so bad for this banker who kept saying, "I am sorry."  What else could he have said?

America is in trouble and it is difficult and uncertain and people are in the fight for their financial lives.  I am so sad and every day I ask Skip, what do we need to do?  We have gone over and over our budget the last two months trying to see where we can "cut back".  The company Skip works for just announced they were going to fire 650 employees.  We are so blessed that we are not one of the 650, however, about 300 are going to be from our community and most likely friends.  We live in a town that is not unique to the rest of the US -  houses are not selling and the big companies have freeze on hiring.   With all of this it is very easy for me to get caught up in what I can see.

Anyway, this morning I opened my Bible to Matthew 6  and read : 

Seven Reasons To Not Worry

The same God who created life in you can be trusted with the details of your life. (Matt 6:25)

Worrying about the future hampers your efforts for today. (Matt 6:26)

Worrying is more harmful than helpful. (Matt 6:27)

God does not ignore those who depend on him. (Matt 6:28-30)

Worry shows a lack of faith in and understanding of God. (Matt 6:33)

There are real challenges God wants us to pursue, and worrying keeps us from them. (Matt 6:33)

Living one day at a time keeps us from being consumed with worry. (Matt 6:34)

He has it under control.

Crazy About Horses!

She would live in a barn if we would let her!  Olivia asks, "Mama, do you think I could horse jump in the Olympics one  day?"

"I believe in you and your dreams."

Love!!

Lots of Passion and Little Mercy

In February my sweet sweet husband was able to go on a GRAND trip out to Colorado to attend John Eldridge's "Boot Camp".  Skip has never taken a luxury trip our entire marriage!  I was so excited for him to go and I just knew he would come back closer than ever to God.  Well, the trip exceed our expectations and  Skip had a wonderful time with God and his friends.  It was so great that he came home and announced that he wanted to know my passion in life so he could help accomplish it!  Wow!  he wants to rescue his bride!!  Skip has the kindest heart I have ever seen in anyone.

I was a little surprised by his enthusiasm for something so crazy, after all I had everything I could want, except for curtains in my bedroom and a Eletrolux Bread Mixer - all in due time.  I even thought he may be a little disappointed in these two passions so I thought about something much bigger like a Saturday car or even better a big diamond ring. Wouldn't that be nice?   Diamonds are beautiful crusted in Desitin -  my not by choice hand lotion.  Anyway, I did tell him I would commit to prayer and really go after my true passion in life.

Well, a couple of weeks went by and all of a sudden my passion hit me with a ton of bricks!  It was none of the above mentioned and I was on fire!  I thought it would be a great idea to announce it on a date at one of our towns 5 star chain restaurants.  We sat down in a booth and I was giddy, excited, thinking I looked really cute.  I could not wait to tell him my new discovery, hidden deep in my heart that God so graciously revealed to me at the request of him, my precious precious husband. 

"Well Skip, I am so excited and I am so glad you went to Wild at Heart.  I have prayed and prayed and I feel alive and happy and oh I cannot wait for you to hear this! I just want you to know that my true true passion in life is to adopt a Special Needs baby - and I really hope it is from China."  Skip was not gazing at me from across the table like I was cute.  His eyes were wider, head tilted slightly, he wasn't smiling, he looked a bit confused and there was a long pause.  SO I continued this time saying, "Isn't God amazing and so good.   I cannot wait for this new journey he is about to take us on - can you believe it?  Skip aren't you fired up by the idea of being parents to 6 children!  We are going to be SOOO blessed with another baby!!!!"  Yall, he never joined the excitement!!  He sat there so confused and said, "What?  What are you talking about?"  I reminded him of the whole speech about me finding my passion.  His response, "No, that is not what I meant, you will have to pick another passion, I was thinking about something fun like moving to Colorado.  I mean umm I am just going to have to think about that one."

Skip has probably told me no three times throughout our 12 years together - usually he will at least say, "let's talk about it."  No such words came out of  his mouth this time.  

"Oh my" was my next response.   I sat at the table and cried and cried and cried  - He was ruining the first entry in our new baby's book!  This is not how I had the night played out in my mind.  I just knew it was going to be this beautiful story about how I told Skip and he gazed at me from across the table and said that is exactly what he had always wanted too . . .  Every adoption blog I had read was much sweeter than this night was going.

I was so mad! How dare he ask me to find my passion and then say NO pick another one!  As the tears came and he began to explain, "I just want one year of nothing, no babies, tornado, moves, job changes, cranial helmets, ADD testing . . . I really do not know if I want any more children.  Did you say special needs?"  Ill have to say, I just do not think that is where I am."  I really do not remember what I said after that but I promise you it was not kind.

Our poor poor waiter!  I was crying big tears, mascara and all!  It is only now that I can look back and also feel so sad for not giving Skip any mercy.  It was all huge shock, after all, it took me a long time to settle into the whole idea.

Well, since that time the journey has been difficult and very sweet.  Anytime Skip and I are not united on an issue it is HARD!!  At first we went through months of being on our faces before God - really seeking what he wanted. (extremely difficult for my selfish heart)   At one point we went to church 3 time in a row and heard something about orphans, adoption, China or "His Story" for our lives.  It got to the point it became very comical.  God slowly changed Skip's heart and in the process has revealed some not so beautiful things in my heart.  I always hear, "enjoy the journey."  I must say I do not always enjoy the journey when I am DEEP in it.  The journey is the most beautiful to me when I am close to the peak or at least where my head is above water.   I will say that I love what God is able to accomplish during a journey - when I can set aside my pride and surrender control - when I am not picking crumbs up from under the table - thank you for your wisdom and great insight Heidi!

So where are we with the adoption?  We had a great plan, mapped it out with timelines and recently discovered that our journey to adopt has much more to do with our relationship with Him than it does with the great blessing at the end, the child.  So we have thrown out our plan and are seeking His. Let me just say that after we reach that peak and we are headed down the mountain and almost at the end about to meet that precious baby - oh the tears and joy and I will be running!   My heart is so excited I can hardly stand it!

Forest

Please pray for a precious 2yr old orphan in China.  He is failing to thrive.  He has been recently blessed with a foster family.    Previously he lived in an orphanage and was sent to New Day because he needed medical attention - I believe that was the great and mighty hand of God!  They are going to explore why Forest is having a difficult time gaining weight.  He has been on an adoption agency's waiting list for a while and recently his file was removed and sent back to the CCAA.  I know God has a plan for his life.  Please join me in believe BIG for Forest - that his body and heart would be healed and his forever family would come.

Watch Out Vegas, Here We Come!

Quite a day!  The morning started with me deciding to keep Grace home in an attempt to try and Home School three!  God is so huge because the day was so much fun and everyone loved the sweet little addition.

It is September 11th!  What a deeply painful day for our country! and for our friends who lost their sister when the Twin Towers collapsed.  

We just got news that 650 people will be FIRED from my husband's company and 250 will be from our area.  That news also hit me so deep in the heart but I will stand on faith believing God is in control.  Then we got Annabel's educational report from her PhD! - Ughhhhhhhhhh!  We are outside the box - or at least we were that day of testing.

I sent out a small SOS to my friends to get to Panera for dinner, but instead I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Pizza B's for Grace's School Fundraising Night!  My family has a formula for Pizza B's night: inhale 2 pieces of pizza, fuss to go to the arcade, bathroom trip, settle on 2 pieces of dessert pizza and then they are off!  Racing for the arcade which is a small room with about 10 video/ticket giving machines.  The children usually each have $1.00 worth of tokens in hand.  The allotted tokens last maybe 10 minutes on a slow night and then come the tears and drama if they are not able to hit the jackpot (tickets)!  They really really want to get that small, plastic frog , dum dum sucker or eraser smaller than an penny - each worth about 20 tickets!  Every time we go to Pizza B's this is what usually plays out, unless they are on arcade restriction!  This is there favorite place in town to eat!! I do not get it.  If there was a store I shopped in and every time I left it I cried - I would hope I would not go back!  In fact, I do recall a store that accused me of shoplifting at 8 months pregnant!  They  were convinced I had stuffed the shame in the twin comforter set! It took a while for the MANAGER to understand what the fine print meant when it said SHAM INCLUDED!

Anyway, tonight was special.  Annabel brought a penny from home "just in case".  She pulled it out and encouraged the 3 other crying non-strapped in the high chair children to join her in the arcade.  "Come on y'all we'll go have some fun."  Skip and I were enjoying ourselves at the opening of the arcade (we could see the children in the small empty room).  The next thing we know -JACKPOT!  Olivia comes running out stumbling over her words to tell us Annabel figured out a way to play one of the ticket giving games with the same penny.  Using the same penny over and over!  Mind you the only other person in the arcade is an employee about 16 years old, playing games dumping tokens into the machines.  My response to Olivia is SURELY you are kidding and somewhat hesitant we got up from our plate stacked table for seven, unbuckled Amelia from her sticky highchair and entered "the room".  Skip and I were not shocked.  Annabel is totality capable of doing something like this!  The two of us together in a month with nothing else to do could  not have figured out the trigger Annabel discovered.  Skip couldn't because you shouldn't it's against the law and me?  It would have never crossed my mind to just try a penny.   Perhaps this should have been a teachable moment when we discussed stealing, cheating etc . . .  That will come later (after Vegas), however, for the moment, after reading such a discouraging report from our PhD I delighted in God's creation, Annabel.  She is fearfully and wonderfully made OUTSIDE THE BOX! She has a great mind that is HIGHLY capable and I praise him for every inch of her!

Her whole motivation was she had a plan  to get more tickets so she could trade them in for her little sister who really wanted a small plastic choking hazard  for Amelia dog and a tootsie roll for her brother.  I love her for exactly who she is!

God is amazingly creative!

Happy 1st Birthday Faith

Faith turned ONE on August 27!  This little girl has stolen our hearts - especially mine.  Faith is a baby at New Day Foster Home which is  a private orphanage in Beijing China. New Day takes in special needs children from the country run Chinese orphanages.  Through contributions and other avenues they are able to offer these precious children surgery and a lot of care.   I love New Day and one day when I retire that is where I want to work.

The Decision to Sponsor Faith

I could not decide who to choose so I sat at my computer with tears flooding my face.  I wanted to sponsor ALL OF THEM - and of course charter a jet and pick them ALL up!  NOT because I have what it takes to be a mother 50 children but because I love children.   Anyway, I kept clicking on a picture of another sweet little girl.  When I would click this little girl's picture  Faith's picture kept coming up instead.  I really did not care who we sponsored, I was just concentrating on my lack of computer skills and confusion.  I did it at least three times until I finally realized Faith would be the baby for us!  Sorry God, I am a little slow to hear and SEE!  Anyway, New Day allows us to send care packages and letters -  YEAH!  AND every month we get an update on how well she is doing.

We are always praying for Faith's forever family and that she would know Jesus.  What a delight it has been!

On Faith's birthday I had no doubt her Foster Mother and New Day would celebrate -   I told the children we would also have a birthday party.  The day of the party I realized I should have explained the details of the party.  Grace was very disappointed when I explained that we were not actually going to China to her actual party.  In order to distract the drama of a 5 year old I announced  we would have cake for dinner!  The children were shocked! In my nine years of motherhood I have never suggested something as wild as that!   We loudly sang Happy Birthday, (perhaps she heard it in China) blew out the candle and then had cake for dinner!  It was so much fun.  That night was a Great Sugar High on an empty stomach.  

Sadness Sometimes Looms

I know we will not be able to adopt Faith but I would love to have her as my daughter.  I think the children and Skip feel the same way.  It is one of those prayers that is difficult to pray because of the selfishness behind the desire.  I do know that His plan for her life is much better than mine.    I do pray that someday I can hug this precious little girl.

The greatest thing is that at only one year old Faith in her beautiful yellow dress knows what every little girl should know and that is  she was born a princess.  You can see it in her face wearing her beautiful birthday dress.