Assigned a Social Worker!

Olivia - Yellowstone National Park Summer 2006

Whew!  The last time we were assigned a social worker was not for an adoption.  Yes, our hidden past.  Olivia was 5 months old and she had what I thought was  a horrible case of some kind of pneumonia.  It is important to know that Olivia was our first child and my absolute focus.  I was determined to be the BEST mother in the world - I was a perfectionist.  Anyway, Olivia had a horrible coughing fit and threw up.  I hit panic mode!  It was a Friday night and we called the pediatrician.  He suggested we sit in the bathroom with a hot shower running.  Oh no, that certainly could not be the cure, we needed to see a doctor and we needed to see one now.  Why couldn't he make a home visit?  Against my husbands better wishes we were headed to the ER to see what this baby was suffering from. Our experience at the ER was quite similar to my friend Elizabeth's  experience - 'No Mother' in the ER post.  We were scared! We saw the nurse and she checked Olivia's vital signs: no fever, no signs of a cough, clear lungs and then back to the waiting room.  After two hours in the waiting room I said no more of this!  We are leaving, I cannot believe they would not see a BABY! (so terrible of me! b/c there were some sick people!)  We walked out, it was around 12:00 a.m.  Olivia was fine and I really do not think that we ever had her check that week.  Anyway, two months later we got a letter from our states Child Welfare Services!  The ER reported us for refusing medical treatment for our minor! DFAX as my friends and I call it!  This letter solidified my belief that I was going to fail as a parent and I did not have what it took.  Luckily at the time Skip was working for a very old and established firm in a very small town and he was able to fire off a very impressive letter on their letterhead thus warding off a visit from our assigned social worker.

I am not sure what this visit is going to look like.  Fortunately for the sanity family, I have changed through Christ, however, I still fight the same feelings.  Every time I think about this journey to bring baby 6 home I fight feelings of many different fears , unworthiness, and the desire to be perfect.  Yesterday our adoption social worker contacted us for the first time, she left a message on my cell phone about scheduling our first visit!  When I heard the message my heart was filled with joy and then suddenly it was filled with a sense of panic because I will not be able to pull it all together for the first visit.  And then I had the sudden realization which brings peace some days discouragement others and that is; I will never have it all together and it is okay because He will!   He has it covered! He is constantly reminding me that there is nothing I need to do except for believe.   I delight in knowing He has all of it covered and His interest in my children is much greater than mine and more than I can ever imagine.  I need to go return the call.

Somewhat off the subject I am wrestling with two things: 1) Matthew 18:18 on forgiveness.  Has anyone done a Bible Study or research on this verse?  Any insight or wisdom?  and 2) The secret to making a good moist Pound Cake.

Blessings and Much Love!