Great Desires

Beach 2008

I feel like we have crossed a finish line.  Back in June when we (mostly I) decided to adopt, I began to gather all the documents for the dossier.  But, for various reasons, the timing wasn't right at that time to completely dive in, so we decided to do everything we could without "officially" starting.  I couldn't wait to start the homestudy and I would dream about what it would be like to "really" start.  Well, it feels GREAT!!!! I feel like I am living in a dream.  Everyone was right, the home study wasn't as difficult as I imagined - we did have a great social worker.  It all went so smoothly and I am thrilled to almost be filing our immigration papers, a 100 or so day process.  All of our dossier papers have been gathered - only lacking some local review from two different government officials! - there is always just one more step around the corner!  

GRAND NEWS!!!!!

Any of you who have followed this blog know that we have sponsored a beautiful little girl in China named Faith (that is her "western name").   We have decided to try and adopt her!!  If you have read any of our previous posts, it shouldn't surprise you that we are pursuing adoption, what is new is the attempt to specifically pursue the adoption of Faith.  We have been told it will be next to impossible to match with a specific child like this due to the regulations and processes in China; however, we serve a mighty God!  We continue to open our hearts and eyes to His will and approach the throne confidently knowing His ultimate plan is divine.  

What is possibly most exciting about this is the unity in our family over this decision.  Keep in mind, Skip was not originally on board with adoption in general.  Even when he finally agreed, I worried that he was only doing it for me. But, he loves Faith and God really moved in his heart to pursue her adoption!  In fact, during a time of prayer together, Skip helped me realize just how deeply I wanted to pursue it.  You see, for the longest time, I kept this desire to adopt Faith stuffed deep down in my heart.  I knew that it was nearly impossible to get her, and I was afraid of how I would feel if we tried to adopt her and didn't get her-the rejection I would feel from God.   I was unable to pray about it and really wanted to pretend the desire was not there.  Everyone else in the family, however, was more open with their own desires.  The children would periodically say things like "Faith is going to be our sister," and Skip would say things like "God put Faith in our life for a reason, I think we are going to be able to adopt HER."  When they would say things like that I would get so mad... and sad.  I was so fearful of God not answering my prayer to get Faith that I couldn't ask, and I was afraid for anyone else to ask either.  But, one weekend I had an amazing revelation about our relationship with God.  This particular morning I woke up and Faith was really on my heart.   It was a day I had to focus on a lot of other things, but I kept praying for her and her forever family and she would not leave my mind.  I sat down to journal and pray. As I started, I began writing to God all the reasons I wanted her to be my daughter;  I want to rock her to sleep, read books to her, I want to love her and hold her and comfort her, teach her about Jesus, make sure she is always fed and warm . . .   I went on and on.  Two pages into it I was crying really hard.  I had pinned up all these desires in my heart - thinking I could keep them from Him. I was also terrified to ask Him, because at the time my flesh was not wanting to risk him saying no. (I guess I was helping him by not allowing him to disappoint me??  Like He didn't already know my heart.)  A few minutes after I finished writing and stopped crying, I read over what I had written and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks, I realized something my head has always known, but my heart could never comprehend.  I realized He desires me/us to be his sons and daughters even more deeply than I desire Faith.  His journals are much more elaborate!  He is coming after us with an even greater passion than we can imagine and it is so He can love us, comfort us, feed us, shelter us, teach us, guide us, laugh and cry with us, so that we will never again be orphans.  I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade creation just for you.  Isaiah 43:4 How could I not trust God?  His plans are perfect!  After this revelation and some prayer, I knew that it would be ok to pursue Faith.  Skip even took the lead!!  The following Monday morning he emailed our agency and started the process to try to get Faith. Since then, he has continued to lead the pursuit.  Praise God! Before, I doubted if he was really on board or if he was just doing it for me.  With this, I have no question.  Another praise in all of this... We still understand that we may not get Faith, but we are ok with that.  It simply may not be God's plan, but maybe it is.  Either way, whatever He has in store for us, it will be amazing and wonderful. 

BUSY!

The last two weeks have been one big party with the Sparkling Gems!  Trip to Orlando/Disney to see my family, two birthdays and then . . . the last home study tonight.  Whew!  And it is not over, we have one more birthday celebration on Saturday!  That makes three birthdays within 5 days on the heels of Halloween.  I feel like we are all on the Mad Hatter Tea Cup ride spinning around slowly then fast, faster, pause, spinning again.  I am always so thankful for the pauses.  

Quinn, Grace and I actually rode the Mad Tea Party ride at Disney.  It was the perfect ride late in the afternoon because the line was short.  At that point, Grace and Quinn were suffering from sensory overload which was displayed by fighting over who was first in the line, wallowing on the concrete and hanging and rubbing their faces all over the hand rails.  At one point to prove he was first Quinn inched up as close as he could get to the man standing in front of him.  This positioned him with his face in the man's hinney!!!!  UGGGHHHHHHH.   Yuck!  Yuck!!  Only to enter into any ride and fight over Grace wanting the pink one and Quinn wanting to ride the blue one.

I would like to say they were in rare form, but that is not the truth.  This is how my children react to being un-napped and over stimulated.  Tell me the secret behind all the other good line standers. 

I love schedules and nap time - I need schedules and nap times.  I should say that we had a wonderful time.  Despite being un-napped and over stimulated, they were absolutely wonderful.  There is nothing quite as amazing as a child's face when the monorail comes around the corner and they see the Magic Kingdom.  The smile plants on their face and doesn't leave until sometime the next day-even though they generally pass out on the drive back to their grandparent's house (which is about 5 miles from Disney).  It's funny... I think my husband gets the same look on his face when we get there, and I question whether he or the kids have more fun!  Its almost harder to get him to leave than the kids.  He rides the rides with them, and I think he understands exactly what THEY want to do because HE wants to do it too.  

Were Throwing A Party . . . Together!

We live in a very trick-or-treatable neighborhood.  This year our annual Halloween party had a slight glitch - the usual host had something else to do - which meant it was all up to me to carry on the tradition.  I had known this for months! It took another neighborhood friend to remind me I needed to get the ball rolling.  For a party thrown together last minute, it came off without a hitch.  We had soo much fun!  It was the most beautiful fall night!

Our Usual Christmas Card Picture (not this year friends!)

For years, we have used our Halloween family picture on our Christmas Cards.  Other than four times when we decided to send a dual purpose Christmas card/Birth Announcement, this has been our tradition.  In case you are curious, it started as an accident. We wasted several roles of film trying to get a great picture of us all decked out for Christmas.  None of them worked and out of utter desperation, I searched for a great family photo.  We had a good one from Halloween and, voila, a tradition was born.  After thinking about it last year, it occurred to us that perhaps it is unusual to send a picture of our Halloween Celebration to wish our friends and family a Merry Christmas!  This revelation was sparked when a couple of friends started asking questions about it.  As a mother, this holiday is this most fun - I love candy, children, junk food and fall!  I have created a lot of "stuff" to go along with the other holidays like are they going to like the gift, is everyone going to get along at Thanksgiving, what clothes will the children wear for the egg hunt . . . 

In our family, this holiday is about children, playing dress-up, dear friends, and celebrating fall. I just love it!!!   I do have just one wish and that is that our newest addition will be featured in next year's photo!

The Celebration

The Boys!

The Girls!

The Boys and the Girls!

Such a Creative Treat - Thanks ALH!

Olivia - The Snow Princess in her Bike Drawn Carriage - Peddled by a true Prince!

Please Pray

Please pray for this precious child.   The Philip Hayden Journal.

Six-year-old Hayden Sun Yuanyuan is always quick to pull guests down to sit next to her and chat, and it’s usually more sweet command than gentle request.  Though here just a short time–she moved to House of Love in July–she’s quickly captured our hearts.  Hayden has a large tumor on her cheek, which has grown significantly in the last few months, and tomorrow she heads to a surgery team in Hefei with Dr. Moody.  U.S. Surgeon Dr. Lisa Buckmiller will meet them there to help remove the tumor from Hayden’s face.  This is a very delicate surgery, as the mass is attached to the nerves in her cheek, and we ask for your prayers in guiding the surgeons & giving Hayden peace.  We know she has a long healing journey ahead of her, and we can’t wait to see her back home. We lift her up to Jehovah Rapha–our God who Heals.

THE PUMPKIN PATCH!

Olivia

Grace

Blessings!

Amelia

Quinn

Annabel & Amelia

I have a few friends who are waiting to meet their first daughters.   Girls, I cannot wait for your hearts to capture a moment like this!

The Love Between A Daddy and A Daughter!

And that goes to you too Dad - I love you, Ashley

Fall Festival

The annual Mother's Morning Out Fall Festival was on Thursday.  Quinn and Amelia would agree it was a fun filled sugar high day!  They had so much fun dressing up in their costumes and collecting treats. 

Annabel Helping at The Fishing Booth

Pirate Quinn Digging For A Treasure

Lunch!

Just My Size

Lesson Learned #1

It is 5:55 p.m.  I am expecting the social worker for home study visit #2 at 6:30 p.m.!   Today was the "walk through" so the house was very clean.  Surly I can fit dinner in.  Do I have a choice? Running a few minutes behind,  I calmly pull our individual pizzas out of the oven on the foil lined cookie sheet.  The pan tips as I close the oven door and our dinner slides off lands face down on the immaculate floors!  SPLAT!  

Lesson learned: Lining a cookie sheet with foil in order to save time washing dishes is a bad idea!

Wordless Wednesday

Moving Day

Latin, Greek, and SAT's

A conversation between an 8 year old and a 10 year old.

(Overheard and interrupted by Mom)

Olivia: What is an SAT?   It says Latin and Greek will help my SAT score.  

Annabel: it spells sat . . . you know!  (doncha know anything?) 

Mom: No, Annabel it is S-A-T, it is a test you take to get into college.  

Annabel: "College, that is what you have to do if you want one of those careers." 

I had to leave the room because of my laughter.  My mind then began racing at the statement ONE OF THOSE CAREERS.  I assume, and am in fact quite sure, that my career as a mother did not fit into her equation of college=careers.  This led me to further poorly process (at 4:00 p.m. after a long day of home schooling, mopping floors, dusting, laundry, carpooling . . .) that you can take the SAT 3 times, graduate from college, do some post graduate work, get certified in a couple of professions and then become a mother - which is, as I mentioned before, probably not one of those "careers" in Annabel's eyes.  However, as a mother I am so grateful for ALL the education I have because I spend countless hours putting my knowledge to work, brainstorming and trying figuring out things like:  How can I teach my children to flush the toilet, use toilet paper!, use their own toothbrush ... NOT just any toothbrush, bathing is good, you should use soap when you bathe, if you brush your hair every day it will not be as difficult to brush, when you go outside, shut the door!  The list could go on and on and I assure you if I had my Doctorate in Child Behavior I still would struggle with the same unresolved issues. Motherhood is truly a challenge and I am one of those girls who, as my husband says, delights in a challenge - though he does not always delight in the same challenges I do!  I do LOVE being a mother!!!!!

Wordless Wednesday

Assigned a Social Worker!

Olivia - Yellowstone National Park Summer 2006

Whew!  The last time we were assigned a social worker was not for an adoption.  Yes, our hidden past.  Olivia was 5 months old and she had what I thought was  a horrible case of some kind of pneumonia.  It is important to know that Olivia was our first child and my absolute focus.  I was determined to be the BEST mother in the world - I was a perfectionist.  Anyway, Olivia had a horrible coughing fit and threw up.  I hit panic mode!  It was a Friday night and we called the pediatrician.  He suggested we sit in the bathroom with a hot shower running.  Oh no, that certainly could not be the cure, we needed to see a doctor and we needed to see one now.  Why couldn't he make a home visit?  Against my husbands better wishes we were headed to the ER to see what this baby was suffering from. Our experience at the ER was quite similar to my friend Elizabeth's  experience - 'No Mother' in the ER post.  We were scared! We saw the nurse and she checked Olivia's vital signs: no fever, no signs of a cough, clear lungs and then back to the waiting room.  After two hours in the waiting room I said no more of this!  We are leaving, I cannot believe they would not see a BABY! (so terrible of me! b/c there were some sick people!)  We walked out, it was around 12:00 a.m.  Olivia was fine and I really do not think that we ever had her check that week.  Anyway, two months later we got a letter from our states Child Welfare Services!  The ER reported us for refusing medical treatment for our minor! DFAX as my friends and I call it!  This letter solidified my belief that I was going to fail as a parent and I did not have what it took.  Luckily at the time Skip was working for a very old and established firm in a very small town and he was able to fire off a very impressive letter on their letterhead thus warding off a visit from our assigned social worker.

I am not sure what this visit is going to look like.  Fortunately for the sanity family, I have changed through Christ, however, I still fight the same feelings.  Every time I think about this journey to bring baby 6 home I fight feelings of many different fears , unworthiness, and the desire to be perfect.  Yesterday our adoption social worker contacted us for the first time, she left a message on my cell phone about scheduling our first visit!  When I heard the message my heart was filled with joy and then suddenly it was filled with a sense of panic because I will not be able to pull it all together for the first visit.  And then I had the sudden realization which brings peace some days discouragement others and that is; I will never have it all together and it is okay because He will!   He has it covered! He is constantly reminding me that there is nothing I need to do except for believe.   I delight in knowing He has all of it covered and His interest in my children is much greater than mine and more than I can ever imagine.  I need to go return the call.

Somewhat off the subject I am wrestling with two things: 1) Matthew 18:18 on forgiveness.  Has anyone done a Bible Study or research on this verse?  Any insight or wisdom?  and 2) The secret to making a good moist Pound Cake.

Blessings and Much Love!

Wordless Wednesday

My son, Quinn, one of four girls!

Goo Gone Or Gum Gone

How do you suppose I remove this highly combustible chemical from the dryer?

I must say Vanilla Mint Trident mixed with the heat of the dryer and a load of dark clothes gives off a wonderful scent!