Great Desires

Beach 2008

I feel like we have crossed a finish line.  Back in June when we (mostly I) decided to adopt, I began to gather all the documents for the dossier.  But, for various reasons, the timing wasn't right at that time to completely dive in, so we decided to do everything we could without "officially" starting.  I couldn't wait to start the homestudy and I would dream about what it would be like to "really" start.  Well, it feels GREAT!!!! I feel like I am living in a dream.  Everyone was right, the home study wasn't as difficult as I imagined - we did have a great social worker.  It all went so smoothly and I am thrilled to almost be filing our immigration papers, a 100 or so day process.  All of our dossier papers have been gathered - only lacking some local review from two different government officials! - there is always just one more step around the corner!  

GRAND NEWS!!!!!

Any of you who have followed this blog know that we have sponsored a beautiful little girl in China named Faith (that is her "western name").   We have decided to try and adopt her!!  If you have read any of our previous posts, it shouldn't surprise you that we are pursuing adoption, what is new is the attempt to specifically pursue the adoption of Faith.  We have been told it will be next to impossible to match with a specific child like this due to the regulations and processes in China; however, we serve a mighty God!  We continue to open our hearts and eyes to His will and approach the throne confidently knowing His ultimate plan is divine.  

What is possibly most exciting about this is the unity in our family over this decision.  Keep in mind, Skip was not originally on board with adoption in general.  Even when he finally agreed, I worried that he was only doing it for me. But, he loves Faith and God really moved in his heart to pursue her adoption!  In fact, during a time of prayer together, Skip helped me realize just how deeply I wanted to pursue it.  You see, for the longest time, I kept this desire to adopt Faith stuffed deep down in my heart.  I knew that it was nearly impossible to get her, and I was afraid of how I would feel if we tried to adopt her and didn't get her-the rejection I would feel from God.   I was unable to pray about it and really wanted to pretend the desire was not there.  Everyone else in the family, however, was more open with their own desires.  The children would periodically say things like "Faith is going to be our sister," and Skip would say things like "God put Faith in our life for a reason, I think we are going to be able to adopt HER."  When they would say things like that I would get so mad... and sad.  I was so fearful of God not answering my prayer to get Faith that I couldn't ask, and I was afraid for anyone else to ask either.  But, one weekend I had an amazing revelation about our relationship with God.  This particular morning I woke up and Faith was really on my heart.   It was a day I had to focus on a lot of other things, but I kept praying for her and her forever family and she would not leave my mind.  I sat down to journal and pray. As I started, I began writing to God all the reasons I wanted her to be my daughter;  I want to rock her to sleep, read books to her, I want to love her and hold her and comfort her, teach her about Jesus, make sure she is always fed and warm . . .   I went on and on.  Two pages into it I was crying really hard.  I had pinned up all these desires in my heart - thinking I could keep them from Him. I was also terrified to ask Him, because at the time my flesh was not wanting to risk him saying no. (I guess I was helping him by not allowing him to disappoint me??  Like He didn't already know my heart.)  A few minutes after I finished writing and stopped crying, I read over what I had written and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks, I realized something my head has always known, but my heart could never comprehend.  I realized He desires me/us to be his sons and daughters even more deeply than I desire Faith.  His journals are much more elaborate!  He is coming after us with an even greater passion than we can imagine and it is so He can love us, comfort us, feed us, shelter us, teach us, guide us, laugh and cry with us, so that we will never again be orphans.  I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade creation just for you.  Isaiah 43:4 How could I not trust God?  His plans are perfect!  After this revelation and some prayer, I knew that it would be ok to pursue Faith.  Skip even took the lead!!  The following Monday morning he emailed our agency and started the process to try to get Faith. Since then, he has continued to lead the pursuit.  Praise God! Before, I doubted if he was really on board or if he was just doing it for me.  With this, I have no question.  Another praise in all of this... We still understand that we may not get Faith, but we are ok with that.  It simply may not be God's plan, but maybe it is.  Either way, whatever He has in store for us, it will be amazing and wonderful.