THE PUMPKIN PATCH!

Olivia

Grace

Blessings!

Amelia

Quinn

Annabel & Amelia

I have a few friends who are waiting to meet their first daughters.   Girls, I cannot wait for your hearts to capture a moment like this!

The Love Between A Daddy and A Daughter!

And that goes to you too Dad - I love you, Ashley

Fall Festival

The annual Mother's Morning Out Fall Festival was on Thursday.  Quinn and Amelia would agree it was a fun filled sugar high day!  They had so much fun dressing up in their costumes and collecting treats. 

Annabel Helping at The Fishing Booth

Pirate Quinn Digging For A Treasure

Lunch!

Just My Size

Lesson Learned #1

It is 5:55 p.m.  I am expecting the social worker for home study visit #2 at 6:30 p.m.!   Today was the "walk through" so the house was very clean.  Surly I can fit dinner in.  Do I have a choice? Running a few minutes behind,  I calmly pull our individual pizzas out of the oven on the foil lined cookie sheet.  The pan tips as I close the oven door and our dinner slides off lands face down on the immaculate floors!  SPLAT!  

Lesson learned: Lining a cookie sheet with foil in order to save time washing dishes is a bad idea!

Wordless Wednesday

Moving Day

Latin, Greek, and SAT's

A conversation between an 8 year old and a 10 year old.

(Overheard and interrupted by Mom)

Olivia: What is an SAT?   It says Latin and Greek will help my SAT score.  

Annabel: it spells sat . . . you know!  (doncha know anything?) 

Mom: No, Annabel it is S-A-T, it is a test you take to get into college.  

Annabel: "College, that is what you have to do if you want one of those careers." 

I had to leave the room because of my laughter.  My mind then began racing at the statement ONE OF THOSE CAREERS.  I assume, and am in fact quite sure, that my career as a mother did not fit into her equation of college=careers.  This led me to further poorly process (at 4:00 p.m. after a long day of home schooling, mopping floors, dusting, laundry, carpooling . . .) that you can take the SAT 3 times, graduate from college, do some post graduate work, get certified in a couple of professions and then become a mother - which is, as I mentioned before, probably not one of those "careers" in Annabel's eyes.  However, as a mother I am so grateful for ALL the education I have because I spend countless hours putting my knowledge to work, brainstorming and trying figuring out things like:  How can I teach my children to flush the toilet, use toilet paper!, use their own toothbrush ... NOT just any toothbrush, bathing is good, you should use soap when you bathe, if you brush your hair every day it will not be as difficult to brush, when you go outside, shut the door!  The list could go on and on and I assure you if I had my Doctorate in Child Behavior I still would struggle with the same unresolved issues. Motherhood is truly a challenge and I am one of those girls who, as my husband says, delights in a challenge - though he does not always delight in the same challenges I do!  I do LOVE being a mother!!!!!

Wordless Wednesday

Assigned a Social Worker!

Olivia - Yellowstone National Park Summer 2006

Whew!  The last time we were assigned a social worker was not for an adoption.  Yes, our hidden past.  Olivia was 5 months old and she had what I thought was  a horrible case of some kind of pneumonia.  It is important to know that Olivia was our first child and my absolute focus.  I was determined to be the BEST mother in the world - I was a perfectionist.  Anyway, Olivia had a horrible coughing fit and threw up.  I hit panic mode!  It was a Friday night and we called the pediatrician.  He suggested we sit in the bathroom with a hot shower running.  Oh no, that certainly could not be the cure, we needed to see a doctor and we needed to see one now.  Why couldn't he make a home visit?  Against my husbands better wishes we were headed to the ER to see what this baby was suffering from. Our experience at the ER was quite similar to my friend Elizabeth's  experience - 'No Mother' in the ER post.  We were scared! We saw the nurse and she checked Olivia's vital signs: no fever, no signs of a cough, clear lungs and then back to the waiting room.  After two hours in the waiting room I said no more of this!  We are leaving, I cannot believe they would not see a BABY! (so terrible of me! b/c there were some sick people!)  We walked out, it was around 12:00 a.m.  Olivia was fine and I really do not think that we ever had her check that week.  Anyway, two months later we got a letter from our states Child Welfare Services!  The ER reported us for refusing medical treatment for our minor! DFAX as my friends and I call it!  This letter solidified my belief that I was going to fail as a parent and I did not have what it took.  Luckily at the time Skip was working for a very old and established firm in a very small town and he was able to fire off a very impressive letter on their letterhead thus warding off a visit from our assigned social worker.

I am not sure what this visit is going to look like.  Fortunately for the sanity family, I have changed through Christ, however, I still fight the same feelings.  Every time I think about this journey to bring baby 6 home I fight feelings of many different fears , unworthiness, and the desire to be perfect.  Yesterday our adoption social worker contacted us for the first time, she left a message on my cell phone about scheduling our first visit!  When I heard the message my heart was filled with joy and then suddenly it was filled with a sense of panic because I will not be able to pull it all together for the first visit.  And then I had the sudden realization which brings peace some days discouragement others and that is; I will never have it all together and it is okay because He will!   He has it covered! He is constantly reminding me that there is nothing I need to do except for believe.   I delight in knowing He has all of it covered and His interest in my children is much greater than mine and more than I can ever imagine.  I need to go return the call.

Somewhat off the subject I am wrestling with two things: 1) Matthew 18:18 on forgiveness.  Has anyone done a Bible Study or research on this verse?  Any insight or wisdom?  and 2) The secret to making a good moist Pound Cake.

Blessings and Much Love!

Wordless Wednesday

My son, Quinn, one of four girls!

Goo Gone Or Gum Gone

How do you suppose I remove this highly combustible chemical from the dryer?

I must say Vanilla Mint Trident mixed with the heat of the dryer and a load of dark clothes gives off a wonderful scent!

Seven Reasons Not To Worry

Yesterday I had to go to our bank to get some documents notarized. I normally drive through bank so I have never had the opportunity to see or experience the inside of a bank.  It was so beautiful and the chairs in the waiting room were very comfortable while I waited.   I was greeted with a friendly smile, not by name, which was more than fine with me.  However, everyone who walked into the bank was greeted by name - it was such a sweet small town feel.  There was a young late 20 something employee who looked in charge he floating around to all  5 customers who filed into the bank around noon.  Because the bank was small and I had nothing to do but sit, I could not but help overhear this older man.  While he was standing at the teller window he was greeted by this young banker who asked in an uplifting tone, "So how's it going Mr. ______?"  Mr.  ________ replied, "Not so great I just lost all my retirement.  Now planning to work for the rest of my life."  Sad, sad, sad! I also felt so bad for this banker who kept saying, "I am sorry."  What else could he have said?

America is in trouble and it is difficult and uncertain and people are in the fight for their financial lives.  I am so sad and every day I ask Skip, what do we need to do?  We have gone over and over our budget the last two months trying to see where we can "cut back".  The company Skip works for just announced they were going to fire 650 employees.  We are so blessed that we are not one of the 650, however, about 300 are going to be from our community and most likely friends.  We live in a town that is not unique to the rest of the US -  houses are not selling and the big companies have freeze on hiring.   With all of this it is very easy for me to get caught up in what I can see.

Anyway, this morning I opened my Bible to Matthew 6  and read : 

Seven Reasons To Not Worry

The same God who created life in you can be trusted with the details of your life. (Matt 6:25)

Worrying about the future hampers your efforts for today. (Matt 6:26)

Worrying is more harmful than helpful. (Matt 6:27)

God does not ignore those who depend on him. (Matt 6:28-30)

Worry shows a lack of faith in and understanding of God. (Matt 6:33)

There are real challenges God wants us to pursue, and worrying keeps us from them. (Matt 6:33)

Living one day at a time keeps us from being consumed with worry. (Matt 6:34)

He has it under control.

Crazy About Horses!

She would live in a barn if we would let her!  Olivia asks, "Mama, do you think I could horse jump in the Olympics one  day?"

"I believe in you and your dreams."

Love!!

Lots of Passion and Little Mercy

In February my sweet sweet husband was able to go on a GRAND trip out to Colorado to attend John Eldridge's "Boot Camp".  Skip has never taken a luxury trip our entire marriage!  I was so excited for him to go and I just knew he would come back closer than ever to God.  Well, the trip exceed our expectations and  Skip had a wonderful time with God and his friends.  It was so great that he came home and announced that he wanted to know my passion in life so he could help accomplish it!  Wow!  he wants to rescue his bride!!  Skip has the kindest heart I have ever seen in anyone.

I was a little surprised by his enthusiasm for something so crazy, after all I had everything I could want, except for curtains in my bedroom and a Eletrolux Bread Mixer - all in due time.  I even thought he may be a little disappointed in these two passions so I thought about something much bigger like a Saturday car or even better a big diamond ring. Wouldn't that be nice?   Diamonds are beautiful crusted in Desitin -  my not by choice hand lotion.  Anyway, I did tell him I would commit to prayer and really go after my true passion in life.

Well, a couple of weeks went by and all of a sudden my passion hit me with a ton of bricks!  It was none of the above mentioned and I was on fire!  I thought it would be a great idea to announce it on a date at one of our towns 5 star chain restaurants.  We sat down in a booth and I was giddy, excited, thinking I looked really cute.  I could not wait to tell him my new discovery, hidden deep in my heart that God so graciously revealed to me at the request of him, my precious precious husband. 

"Well Skip, I am so excited and I am so glad you went to Wild at Heart.  I have prayed and prayed and I feel alive and happy and oh I cannot wait for you to hear this! I just want you to know that my true true passion in life is to adopt a Special Needs baby - and I really hope it is from China."  Skip was not gazing at me from across the table like I was cute.  His eyes were wider, head tilted slightly, he wasn't smiling, he looked a bit confused and there was a long pause.  SO I continued this time saying, "Isn't God amazing and so good.   I cannot wait for this new journey he is about to take us on - can you believe it?  Skip aren't you fired up by the idea of being parents to 6 children!  We are going to be SOOO blessed with another baby!!!!"  Yall, he never joined the excitement!!  He sat there so confused and said, "What?  What are you talking about?"  I reminded him of the whole speech about me finding my passion.  His response, "No, that is not what I meant, you will have to pick another passion, I was thinking about something fun like moving to Colorado.  I mean umm I am just going to have to think about that one."

Skip has probably told me no three times throughout our 12 years together - usually he will at least say, "let's talk about it."  No such words came out of  his mouth this time.  

"Oh my" was my next response.   I sat at the table and cried and cried and cried  - He was ruining the first entry in our new baby's book!  This is not how I had the night played out in my mind.  I just knew it was going to be this beautiful story about how I told Skip and he gazed at me from across the table and said that is exactly what he had always wanted too . . .  Every adoption blog I had read was much sweeter than this night was going.

I was so mad! How dare he ask me to find my passion and then say NO pick another one!  As the tears came and he began to explain, "I just want one year of nothing, no babies, tornado, moves, job changes, cranial helmets, ADD testing . . . I really do not know if I want any more children.  Did you say special needs?"  Ill have to say, I just do not think that is where I am."  I really do not remember what I said after that but I promise you it was not kind.

Our poor poor waiter!  I was crying big tears, mascara and all!  It is only now that I can look back and also feel so sad for not giving Skip any mercy.  It was all huge shock, after all, it took me a long time to settle into the whole idea.

Well, since that time the journey has been difficult and very sweet.  Anytime Skip and I are not united on an issue it is HARD!!  At first we went through months of being on our faces before God - really seeking what he wanted. (extremely difficult for my selfish heart)   At one point we went to church 3 time in a row and heard something about orphans, adoption, China or "His Story" for our lives.  It got to the point it became very comical.  God slowly changed Skip's heart and in the process has revealed some not so beautiful things in my heart.  I always hear, "enjoy the journey."  I must say I do not always enjoy the journey when I am DEEP in it.  The journey is the most beautiful to me when I am close to the peak or at least where my head is above water.   I will say that I love what God is able to accomplish during a journey - when I can set aside my pride and surrender control - when I am not picking crumbs up from under the table - thank you for your wisdom and great insight Heidi!

So where are we with the adoption?  We had a great plan, mapped it out with timelines and recently discovered that our journey to adopt has much more to do with our relationship with Him than it does with the great blessing at the end, the child.  So we have thrown out our plan and are seeking His. Let me just say that after we reach that peak and we are headed down the mountain and almost at the end about to meet that precious baby - oh the tears and joy and I will be running!   My heart is so excited I can hardly stand it!