Embracing Grant

I still cannot believe our LOA arrived last week. I cannot believe China said YES, that we could be Grant's parents. The days that followed I could not help in the wee morning hours going over and over our adoption journey in my mind. I also could not get my arms around why I had been so hesitant to believe that Grant was indeed our son. Slowly I have realized how much I have guarded my heart. This journey has been one of the most difficult and moving times we have ever had. I will never know the whys or the difficult forks in the road we encountered. God had lifted the veil on some of the heartbreaking times and then there are others that we are
other times that are still unclear and hurt as deeply as they did the day they happened.

In these wee morning hours I can circle the mountain and wonder - what if I did this or what if we would have had more faith or what if . . . it all comes down to me not wanting to feel pain and needing to trust that just because I did not get what I wanted, He is still good. I do not want to hurt and quite honestly I know that God does not want me to hurt. But if this was the path to our son, I would do it all over again. When God so graciously put adoption in my heart, I had no idea what He was up to. And despite the trials, there has been so much victory! I have been set free, places that I had pretty much given up on. Praises! I am so glad I poured my heart out and the blessings certainly outweigh the pain.

I am so thankful that The Almighty's ways are higher and so much grander than I will ever know. His blessings are abundant and take our hearts to places we do not know even exist.
I would not change one second of this journey if I had to go back. I am so utterly grateful for the way it all turned out. And without any doubt in my mind, I know Grant Yi Nan is my son - I will never look him in the eyes and wonder. He is no longer an orphan, he is my son - And during those early morning hours, I can hardly imagine what holding him is going to feel like, as I hug him with absolute joy and praise - as he cries in fear and uncertainty. I get to love him! And I can say, I know you are scared, but trust me it is going to be good sweet Grant.